Hello there,
For those who have not read any of my previous posts, my name is Arianna Faro and I have Klippel-Trenaunay syndrome. I was diagnosed at birth, and since then I have had over 75 hospitalization due to various infections and operations. Life has not been easy for me by any any means, but I remain so grateful for each and every day I have the priveledge of waking up.
Lately, however, I have undeniably been having some difficulty in terms of my mental health; I have struggled with major depressive disorder in conjunction with obsessive compulsive disorder for approximately half of my life thus far (I am 35 years old next month). Usually they are well controlled with the help of therapy and medications, but admittedly some times tend to be a lot tougher than others for me in terms of grappling with them.
Toward the end of October, I had a surgery done for my KTS that lasted almost an 8 whopping hours; I was in dire pain for weeks after, and experienced a significant amount of blood loss. I lost so much blood stemming from my surgical wounds that I became severely anemic. I was unable to walk from my room and down the hall to my kitchen without having to take a sitting break in between. In conjunction, I was unable to leave my house for weeks on end other than going to the hospital to have my wounds worked on. For months following the surgery, I had to be in survival mode, and I think I am only now just processing the gravity of all in which I had to endure this Fall/Winter. I have been recieving iron transfusions to help combat the anemia, and have my last one next this coming week. They have definitely helped a lot in terms of giving me some of my energy back, but I still do not feel completely back to myself.
I was supposed to be having another surgery in relation to my KTS this week (with a different specialist), but I made the decision to postpone it. Mentally and emotionally, I just don’t feel ready to embark on another healing journey, especially when I am still not completely back to myself from the last operation.
I felt very uneasy sending the message to my specialist two weeks prior telling him that I would like to reschedule; I tend to be a people pleaser when it comes to doctors, and never like to let them down (or what I feel like is letting them down). However, I know I was not ready to have an operation done at this time, and I had to put my mental health first. As hard as it was for me to send that email, I am proud of myself for making the decision to speak up and say I was not ready.
The doctor totally understood, and left it up to me as for when I want to reschedule. I chose to reschedule it for the 3rd week in May, as I feel that will be a sufficient amount of time to help get my mental health to a more stable place.
In the meantime, I will do everything in my power to help combat my current mental state. I have dealt with severe depression numerous times in the past, and I have always come out of it. I always say the waiting part is hardest.
There is a quote I love that says, “it’s always darkest before dawn.” It resonates with me immensely, as I have always found this to be true.
I lam looking forward to my dawn eventually arriving. ♡ – Ari