Hi guys ♡ I hope that everyone is doing well ♡
These are a couple of pictures I took while visiting my Mom at work the other night. I was feeling super low inside, and did not really not know what to do with myself. I decided to put on some makeup and go do a lap of walking around the mall (where my Mom works). It was definitely the best decision I could have made for myself at that point in time.
My first ever therapist used to tell me that depression wants you to isolate yourself from everyone, it wants to get you alone.. that’s it’s goal. I didn’t magically feel better after walking around (and I was in quite a lot of physical pain after), but it did help raise my spirits some being amongst other people and getting some exercise in.. that elevated feeling ending up being the vital dosage of medicine I needed that night.
When I first started experiencing depression in my senior year of high-school, I would disconnect from my friends and not answer phone calls/texts for elongated periods of time. At one point, some of my friends drove to my house and threw a tyenol bottle up at my bedroom window to make sure I was ok. I’ve always had a tendency of struggling in silence and not letting other people in, which has often been to my own detriment. I suppose it also doesn’t help that in person, I’ve always been someone who can put on a good facade of being happy and content, even while I have felt like I am dying on the inside.
In my own experience, a smile can be the most deceitful thing in the world, not out of malice, but out of being a survival mechanism.
I myself still have so much to learn, but I do know that not isolating yourself from other people/and connecting with others is the absolute best lifeline there is out there while hurting on the inside connection is venomous to depression.
I am grateful to have outlets like this one to be able to express myself and connect with others I may never have had the chance to connect with otherwise. I don’t feel as though I have been utilizing it as well I would like to lately, but I am currently working on changing that. I always feel a lot better when I let other people in and don’t bottle everything up on the inside.
You guys mean a lot to me; although I have never met a lot of you in real life, I feel as though we are friends who share a bond. ♡
I am currently typing this while sick in bed with a bad headcold that came on yesterday (I caught it from a family member
) and a bad ankle ache, but wanted to come on here and do a quick post and thank you guys for giving me a safe space to express/vent/share my emotions.
All my love, Ari